A friend sent me this list of aphorisms and adages the other day, and each one had such a ring of truth about it that I decided to share it with my followers and others who read my blog.

But just what is an aphorism? And what’s an adage? Well, according to Differencebetween.net, an aphorism comes from the Greek aphorismos which means to delimit or define and is a short, philosophical piece of writing that immediately ingrains itself upon the reader’s memory.

An adage comes from the Latin adagium which means “I say.” So an adage is a short, time-honored saying that imparts the author’s wisdom to his reader.

Aphorisms and adages are very similar and are often used synonymously despite their differences. They are both concise and direct, and they both leave the reader with something to think about based on the author’s experience. However, aphorisms are fresh and stay true to their original form, while adages are usually refurbished over the years to adapt to the changing times.

But enough of that. Let’s get to these snippets of wisdom. Enjoy.

• • Speaking several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
  • Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
  • Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
  • When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
  • Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
  • Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done
  • If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
  • “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”
  • Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
  • I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad, and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5, and it’s past his bedtime.
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  • Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
  • Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
  • So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
  • I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
  • I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it the “Jim.” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
  • Old age is coming at a really bad time.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
  • Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
  • Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
  • Now, I’m wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy?
  • The Commandments for Seniors…
  • You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
  • Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
  • “On time” is when you get there.
  • Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
  • It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free…and three sizes smaller.
  • Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
  • “One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.