An Ancient Egyptian Method to Determine Joe Biden’s Fitness for Office

For the past week or so since a special counsel report described Joe Biden as an “elderly man with a poor memory,” his allies have frantically, if not successfully, defended his mental agility and slammed special counsel Robert Hur for daring to include comments about the 81-year-old president’s cerebral condition.

The defense of Biden’s mental capacity can be summed up in these eight words: “Believe what we say, not what you see.”

In his report on Biden’s handling of classified material, Hur described the president as “a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory” who could not remember significant life events, such as when his son Beau died, or the years he served as vice-president, among other things.

In an effort to prove Hur wrong, Biden held an impromptu press conference to dispute the assessment.

What a disaster.

“My memory is fine”

Within minutes after insisting that his memory was “fine,” Biden proceeded to refer to Egyptian President Abdel Fattah El-Sisi as the “president of Mexico.”

How apropos that he should mention Egypt—even if it was in error.

Why? Because the ancient Egyptians as far back as the first dynasty (around 3000 BCE) devised a fool-proof method of determining if a ruling pharaoh was fit to continue to rule.

After reading about it, I have come to the conclusion that it might be a way of determining Joe Biden’s fitness to serve as president as well.

Granted, Biden is not a pharaoh—at least not yet. But the ancient Egyptians may have hit on something.

I am not an Egyptologist or archaeologist, so I will defer to a more expert source on this matter—namely History, which publishes a daily digest of history’s most fascinating facts.

I will paraphrase what History Facts had to say about the ancient Egyptian practice.

The Egyptians created a festival meant to reaffirm an aging ruler’s kingship, known as the Heb-Sed or Sed festival. It occurred in the 30th year of a pharaoh’s reign and was repeated every three years afterward.

Okay, Biden has only been in office a little more than three years—though for many of us, it seems like 30 years, given the damage and havoc he has created with the economy, foreign policy, and at our southern border, where some eight million illegal migrants have been allowed to invade our country since he took office.

According to History Facts, the event in ancient Egypt was filled with sacrifices, coronations, and other lavish displays. The Heb-Sed of Amenhotep III, for example, featured the construction of temples and colossal sculptures all along the Nile valley.

Given Biden’s predilection for spending money that we don’t have, that part of the Heb-Seb festival should be appealing to his fellow Democrats. Think of the pork that might go to loyal Democrat grifters.

While the jubilee-style celebration was a profligate soiree, the main event was a footrace that pharaohs were required to run to demonstrate their physical fitness. They did so while dressed in a kilt with an attached animal tail.

If a pharaoh couldn’t complete the race, it confirmed that it was time to make way for a younger, healthier leader.

I can picture it now: Joe Biden lurching and staggering from the White House to the Capitol Building, wearing a kilt to which a bushy raccoon’s tail is attached.

Meanwhile, throngs of supporters and opponents line Pennsylvania Avenue cheering or catcalling as Biden stumbles past them, wheezing and sucking air.

I can’t get that picture out of my mind.

Spoiler alert! Not all of the Pharaohs passed the test. Although a simple footrace may seem like a relatively easy method for reaffirming their reign, pharaohs were not nearly as svelte or athletic as hieroglyphics and ancient carvings would have us believe.

Some were elderly and feeble.

Ditto, our stumbler-in-chief.

I mean, as we have seen on multiple occasions, the guy has difficulty navigating the stairway to Air Force One, tumbles from his bicycle, and falls trying to leave the stage following a speech.

As for those ancient Egyptian Pharaohs, many were plagued with assorted maladies such as dementia and diabetes triggered by extensive inbreeding and obesity. A pharaoh’s diet consisted of large quantities of rich and calorific food and drink, such as beer, fine wine, bread, beef, poultry, fish, lentils, wheat, mutton, and honey.

As to inbreeding, I have no privileged intelligence about Joe Biden’s hereditary history.

But the guy sure eats a lot of chocolate chip ice cream.


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About Ronald E. Yates

Ronald E. Yates is an award-winning author of historical fiction and action/adventure novels, including the popular and highly-acclaimed Finding Billy Battles trilogy. Read More About Ron Here

2 thoughts on “An Ancient Egyptian Method to Determine Joe Biden’s Fitness for Office”

  1. A better, and less costly or time consuming method would be to put the presidential nominees in a locked room with ball bats and whoever walks out wins. It has nothing to do with age but everything to do with mental contepency. Well that and Biden is a TRAITOR!


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